Status, Uncategorized

Out of the Safe Space

I still can’t imagine how time flies so fast that in 2 months, it will be our college batch’s first anniversary. One year away from being eligible of jeepney discounts and anything affordable. One year away from just having money in our pockets and thinking of nothing but school, also. One year away from not being expected as independent.

For 10 months, I reclaimed all of my well-deserved rest by doing freelance work at home. Seems laid-back huh? Doing projects on your preferred time and hanging out with everyone without having to ultimately think about a boss, or peers or everything. I am my own head  and my own employee. And people around think that it’s actually cool and they will do it if they have the chance to do so. Surprise – it’s not. It is not cool because it is really for a very responsible person; for those who know time management, project management and the rest of the work. And I found out that I’m not ready for it yet. Yup, ten months, and I realised I’m not ready for it yet.

Time to be employed.

Fresh graduates experience the time when they finally realise that it is time to let go of the bum life and finally get a job. I actually got the hang of it. Well, not really. Let’s say 50-50: having a great great hangover from the student life and slowly grasping the actual life of a working guy. Now, before a year pass by after grad, I have to find myself a full-time work.

For me, it’s okay if you do freelance work, unless you have large connections. I only have a couple of connections and I don’t really have projects that much but it’s definitely fine than earning nothing, yes. But if you ask me the big difference of working in a firm aside from money, it’s the people you work with and the learning process we’re hungry for – admit it or not.

Nobody can replace the feeling of working and learning at the same time with different people, right? From time to time, you improve and learn different from your usual schooling. Most of my colleagues, when we meet, they talk about work, work, and work. Stressful for some, but I find it amusing as they have new experiences. Two best friends of mine go to different places. One is a writer, one is a journalist. The others are magazine writers, analysts, etc. I am happy for them, so I always open up topics about the struggle of going to and from home, their bossy bosses and the kind of office food they eat.

I don’t have those stories, yet.

I have to find work. But what if my position is not actually aligned from what I took in college? What if I don’t have the passion for the position my course prepared for me? That’s another topic.

I am a self-thought graphic designer and I’ve been doing freelance work for 3 years. According to the people I work with, my projects are okay and I always finish work beyond their expectations. That definitely boosted my confidence in improving my craft more. But I have to do it much better in order for me to be assigned to a position I am rooting for. I am a Journalism graduate, and for some employers who are quick to judge, I won’t be even tagged as a candidate for GD.

I have to prove myself as deserving.

Over the past months, I’ve been contacting studios and agencies who are hiring to expand or fill up their design teams. There are lots of postings on JobStreet, as well as on different creative groups on Facebook. I am a positive hopeful that they will still give me time to prove myself. And I had two attempts for ATL and BTL agencies. I failed. Personal e-mails raised hope, but they did not bother to reply after the first one. I’ll beef up my portfolio then. In a matter of days, I came up with different studies and concepts which I think will host my views on Behance. I have to bring my A-game and put these talents to good use.

I personally didn’t try to do other things yet like photo manipulation, intense colour grading, and packaging. That’s what I tried to learn before my last confirmed personal interview in Ortigas. This shall work, I said to myself. The pressure’s doubling up and it’s because I am gunning for one of the agencies I submitted a resume for internship that I didn’t got a callback.

The interview day came, and I prepared myself with samples and presentations. Paranoid? Better use the word prepared. But waiting on the reception’s couch? Back to paranoid. I didn’t know that waiting for your interviewer will be that hard and intense.

All of these feelings were gone after they told me that I passed the first interview. The second interview was assigned for weekend work. I basically have 4 days to finish all requirements for a brand. And when I finally saw the brief, I already said ‘Yes’. I haven’t done anything yet, and saying ‘Yes’ became a mystery, I immediately started working on it, and everything turned out well — except for the photo manipulation. Dun dun dun dunnn.

I was not given any materials, even the brand logo. So I have to be resourceful on this one. At least the art direction was already given. The past agencies I applied for, they want a Graphic Designer/Art Director/Web Designer all in one. The only thing missing is that they should’ve called the position ‘Creative God’.

Anyway, I did my best for the exam but based only my past applications, I always fail on the second interview. What happened after it? You guys check this blog again some time. This post is too heavy to be posted as one article. Well, it’s already heavy for one actually, I’m sorry. Hahaha! Catch you guys, later!


Organizing the half-organized

Do I have to apologize to myself again for being inactive here? Reasons, reasons, and reasons. Let’s just skip this part, yeah?

These past few weeks, I became busy attending weekend parties, sudden out-of-towns, soul-searching with beer and simple movie nights with my hometown friends. We shouldn’t miss these kind of gatherings as it is the common point we have right now: the working-side and the jobless(by choice)-side. I can’t add myself as I am a freelancer. I currently experience the best of both types.

I am honestly getting tired of this routine – freelancing takes a lot of discipline, and also cooperation from the household. I don’t want to clean the whole house while I’m freaking out because of my client. Nobody wants that. Maybe I am now feeling the thirst of having the opportunity to work with people, for an agency or a company (and also escaping from household chores, of course).

So while I’m waiting for my interview day to come, I’ve decided to reorganize my files. It’s always a problem for me. Well, I always wanted similar things to be in a single folder (Family Documents, Personal and Work files, Inspirations, Movies), but I always tend to leave things where they were downloaded. Add to it are images that when you download, you always get the “wdguio34th89yuf_09856097.jpg” sort of thing. I hate that, and I hate typing a better name for it especially when I need the file immediately.

Now, after hours of skipping pull-ups and savoring shoulder crunches, I am now at least 85% done. Along this process, I’ve managed to review some files I have, including photos when I was still in college, thinking of nothing but requirements and thesis; our graduation; selfies; more inspiring artworks I saved, even e-lectures. I also reformatted a partition, made a new e-mail for myself and a new cloud account to back semi-important knick-knacks and client files up – things that are not worth the hard drive space.

I also managed to delete my old social media accounts, the fruits of being so hyper on the Internet, fooled by the promise of getting to know new friends through Twitter, Plurk, and Tumblr. Sadly, I don’t have access to all of these, and I already had 3 different e-mail accounts- all of it forgotten and abandoned ’til I can’t remember. Good thing they deleted it for me by just requesting documents and verifying myself.

I am also in the process of cleaning my Facebook wall by reducing the habit of posting and cleaning each day, thanks to the every day throwback memories function.

Indeed, organizing yourself is very beneficial as it gives you peace of mind and enhanced working performance. I want to be organized every time from now on – a new year’s resolution one month late.

Alright, time to organize thoughts again. Writing this on my daily planner. Bye!



The rebellious nights

It’s 2:34 in the morning, 1st day of August. I am now a working man-cat somewhere in Marikina, and as usual, I spend my weekdays working.

May I just say that I realized it’s kind of exhausting, like everyday I have struggles from going all the way there and leaving work and some home stuff, too? I must kill this pattern now, yes.

I am locked on a 3-month ‘freelance’contract and I still have 2 months to go. One day, I abruptly stopped working without my boss noticing me, then I thought maybe I need a break. Seriously. I’m dead tired. I need more than some fresh air.

It’s impossible to file leave for days. It’s non-sense, I’m a probee/contractor, so no work equates to no pay, and who am I to suddenly leave? I ain’t regular. Besides, I am only paid minimum for now.

So I have to spend the weekend really good. Weekend to me is now like gold. And I’m glad that last 24-26th of July was my busiest yet my goldest weekend ever.

I spent the Friday night with some awesome collegemates, from J.Co to King Sisig and Padi’s Point in Araneta. Had a chat with them after months of not seeing each other + drawing plans. Another unexpected night that I came home past 2 A.M. At least I found the beer of my taste.

25th. Amusement Parks catapult adults from adulthood back to childhood, but we never experienced that. It rained at Star City, so outdoor rides, including the Star Flyer, Surf Dance, Star Frisbee and the Ferris Wheel were never operated for safety reasons. So we never got the best out of our 280(450) ride-all-you-can tix, and two of my friends arrived an hour before closing. They came from a college friend’s wedding, exhausted and undeniably tired. But what made the night epic: friends, still.

Went crazy inside Star City by playing elementary school games, walking without bending knee joints, laughed at poorly-designed statement shirts like ‘Eh di Wow’, and lastly, walked from Star City all the way to Pedro Gil (Taft Ave. Cor. Malvar to be exact) in search of a nice place to eat.

The top of the sundae is trespassing a condominium penthouse just to have a nice night view of Manila. I even shared my part by telling a true to life unsolved crime involving a girl and a hotel’s water tank. And we all went down. Lol

Speaking of sundae, after we all parted ways, the four of us friends went to Family Mart to serve ourselves Twirl-all-you-can. Sadly, I failed to balance my sundae, so I immediately grabbed my fallen ice cream then put it back to the cone which gave them bursts of laughter. Fuck you bestfriends. 4 am, I and my highschool best spent the sunrise at McDo with pancakes and hash browns, because both of our homes are always locked until 6 am.

26th. It’s the National Science and Technology Week. Must go to Mall of Asia SMX to support my friend who’s working for DOST. I came really late but atleast we have pictures together. Ate JCo Donuts again, then spent the night with 3 of my college bests with milk tea and dinner.

In the end, what’s rest and sleep if I’m dead lonely. I prefer being tired yet happy, with these people who are all friends for keeps.

Around me, Rants

#GoBashRegina, I refused

And I never really wanted to press the link and read anything about it because I have a slow phone that gets slower with the opening of the mobile browsers.

But I saw the link’s featured photo. It says #GoFundRegina. I became instantly curious of what it actually means. Does this Regina have cancer or some serious-illness to heal, or is she a convicted innocent finding a way to bail herself out of jail and defend herself? Nope. I never found a hint for these reasons.

This Regina de Vera just wanted to fund her future schooling, and she’s doing it through crowdsourcing. For others who are not yet familiar with the process, crowdsourcing is a new popular way of funding someone or something through social media. Yes we just gave ‘donation’ a new term that’s fit for the present age, only with new media.

I found out that she’s a stage actress and performs in different theaters globally. This Atenean girl is being pushed by her passion for theatre arts and she’s currently a resident actress from CCP. According to her, she spent her childhood savings so she can go to New York and audition for The Juilliard School, a performing arts school. She eventually passed the auditions, and she even received an amount of stipend, but unfortunately the stipend won’t cover all of her expenses for her first year master’s. So she’s knocking all digitally-present people for donations and support.

“Any amount that you contribute will matter. If you could also help by sharing my story, I would greatly appreciate it,” she said.

I also have a lot of expenses, and I haven’t touched a dollar yet, but I just wished her good luck, and then I closed the browser.

Media companies later picked the story up. Newspapers featured her, while broadcast giants shared the news through their online outlets. Then Filipino netizens took again their own chance to earn likes by commenting. This time, the story irked me – towards those who just live by to say something.

For example, a woman said that there are millions of Filipino children who need more than this Regina-girl. A man said that there are more deserving things to be funded for. This sad list goes on.

It’s saddening, at the same time it’s infuriating. What the hell. These kind of people, I think their asses are jealous of all the shit that’s coming out from their mouths. Sorry, I had a massive loss of words, but nonetheless, I think this exactly reflects my present thoughts about them.

Why do we have the need to just say something? Why do some people find comfort in starting shitty conversations? How comforting it would be if we publish something rude with matching insensitive feelings?

Well, they actually have a point, but an article about this crowdsourcing girl should never be the right place to post these sentiments. After all, this woman needs help. She never needed negative comments, it won’t take her to Juilliard. And by the true meaning of help – a chance of giving hand to others without expecting something to be returned – she will never ever be deserving to be mocked by the people who didn’t even donated, never helped AND EVEN those who donated and helped her in any way.

She just wanted help. Voluntary. She’s not forcing anyone to donate. And these netizens had the guts to comment.

I suddenly remembered a mind-opening cartoon. Today, when someone’s drowning, instead of helping, they make a coverage out of it just to talk about it with someone, or anyone.

Just wow. Modern Filipino mentality indeed. Hinihila ang kapwa pababa.

The right thing to do? If you can’t donate, wish her good luck. End of the shitty show. If you can donate, good for her she got a generous stranger.

And if we can’t say something nice, shush. Never #GoBashRegina.


Good luck and best wishes to Regina, again. *grins*

#GoFundRegina. Know Regina’s story. CLICK HERE.

Throwback Thoughts

8 years of waiting for Japan


I would like to apologize for the dramatic blog entry title, but that’s just how it is. After almost 8 years of dreaming, finally…

To start the story,

My love for Japan went out during the second J-Wave (2003-2006) in the Philippines. That was the time when anime dominated local television stations at 8 AM and 3 PM; Japan Video Topics (a compilation of three 5-minute documentaries) ran for 2 hours on IBC 13; and endlessly playing of Utada Hikaru’s 1999 Asian hit ‘First Love’ (it’s still playing on other Jeepneys).

It started when I read my aunt’s dusty high school books which I think are more interesting to read than today’s textbooks. It was covered by the 1990’s Basic Education Curriculum (BEC) – not so different with our Revised BEC in 2002. It was her second year high school Araling Panlipunan (History & Societal Studies) book, so the content was fully of Asian history. That includes Japan, of course.

I was fascinated that I can actually learn a lot of things not necessarily from anime only. I mean, almost all kids of my age talk about anime, and if they’re talking about Japan, they’d talk about Samurai and Ninjas. If we’re in a situation where every fact said costs a million pesos, and you said that they got samurais and ninjas from Samurai X (Kenshin Himura) and Naruto (Naruto Uzumaki), then I guess you’ll go home a millionaire.

I learned about Japan’s geography, their political and local government system, their general culture, cities, food; down to their everyday lives, and even their weird mannerisms and norms that sets them aside from the other countries. They’ve established their own uniqueness right from the time they isolated themselves up to the time they opened their world.

But I only learned from the book.

Aside from the AP book, I tried to discover more by reading the whole encyclopedia so I can’t miss anything about Japan. Things were still the same. I only learned from the book.

I expressed my desire to travel, but all I got is a response that most middle-income family will most likely tell: “Sige, ‘pag may trabaho ka na.” (“Sure, if you already have a job.”) So I settled down, concluded that there’s a low-to-zero possibility of going elsewhere abroad.

But who would have expected that I will be sharing this story with first-hand experience? Even I did not expect this. It was a dream come true for a full-blood Filipino with a partly Japanese soul inside. A nice advanced graduation gift for me, indeed. Actually, three of my best friends knew that I really did not want to apply because of other priorities, but since I formally got accepted for the program, I thought that going to Japan is definitely for me.

So, maybe you want to check this blog soon for my Day 1 in Japan? Catch you guys later!

Lloyd Zapanta
Group D
JENESYS 2.0 Batch 3 Mass Media 2015


The lost recipient of the last rose

“And to whom shall this rose be given?”, the puzzled boy asked. But no one answered, because he’s only talking to himself anyway.

This boy, approaching his early 20’s, stood still right on the sidewalk; opposite of him are restaurants which he can’t afford on a daily basis.

At that moment, he was thinking about the rose he has in his hands. Earlier, there were kids who were selling roses to everyone. Later, the boy left his office when a little lady suddenly appeared beside him.

The little lady won’t go as if buying roses is as important as graduating, or perhaps finding a job; but the boy felt an urge to buy the last one for no reason.

And the little lady vanished in seconds. As usual, people – they come and go. The boy was left alone in a lonely, well-lit spot along a famous avenue which used to be an airport runway in the 1940s.

He left his office hurriedly so he can go home earlier, but he slowed down, thinking what on Earth will he do with the sole rose. Things were too fast, and he’s still drowning in deep awe. This boy doesn’t believe in signs, but that time, he suddenly thought otherwise. “A sign for what?” He finally realized that he’s already wasting his time and instead of blankly staring down the pavements, why not start walking so he may put some value in his own time.

He walked beside the restaurants, and he didn’t expect that many people will look at him. Just imagine some people eating their meal and they suddenly stopped munching as they saw the rose in his hands, staring slowly up to his blushed face.

He had to endure it for another 20 minutes of walking.

He had no choice.

He had no choice but to be judged. It’s either this boy’s giving someone a rose, or someone gave him the rose. It’s either this boy had a late valentine or this boy’s a gay one. No boy must receive flowers according to the stupidly perfect society even though flowers are not just for women. Good thing this boy doesn’t eat societal bullshit.

And he even had to endure it for the next hour and a half.

And for another 10 minutes.

He’s home, and no one’s around. The last destination of his tired being is the couch, while the rose rested itself inside a cold water-laden vase. Its petals should be intact ’till the other day and another. He had to end the night in minutes, or he will go home late the next evening again.

He still had no idea about what he did earlier. He cannot even give himself a closure of what happened.

So the night ended with an “I love myself,”

And he gave the rose to himself.


No title because it’s cold

I must admit that I became really envious when some of my classmates experienced snow first hand in Japan. Well, if there is snow, then it must be cold.

I wonder how cold it was. Like, what’s the temperature? Because right now I’m experiencing a low 19°C – and it’s not fun.

Since we have a visitor, I was told to sleep in the living room. I used to snooze in the long narra set during my sleepless nights for a requirement. Yes, a long narra set. It’s not a couch nor a sofa. It’s not a bloody couch nor a sofa!

Anyway, I also have a bunch of throw pillows and a blanket that’s not warming. We all love cotton blankets but unfortunately, I won’t use a cotton one this time. About the name of the type of fabric? It’s scientific like polyblah-nyloblah-blah so don’t ask.

Sleep time.

6:19 A.M.

I woke up wearing only the basics: sando and shorts; and I’m already freezing. In an instant, I wore the gloves I bought in Tokyo, the socks I bought from Hokkaido, my only corduroy pants, and that oversized Guess jacket I’ve never ever wore before!

(and not to mention, quickly writing this blog post since I can’t post a status as long as this on Facebook)

While the snow melts in the upper half of the Earth, it instantly reminds me of your feelings for me.

No. Shhh. Nevermind. Tuck in!