The rebellious nights

It’s 2:34 in the morning, 1st day of August. I am now a working man-cat somewhere in Marikina, and as usual, I spent my weekdays working.

May I just say that I realized it’s kind of exhausting. Every day, I have unique struggles from going all the way there and leaving work and some home stuff, too? I must kill this pattern now, yes.

I am locked on a 3-month contract and I still have 2 months to go. One day, I abruptly stopped working without my boss noticing me, then I thought maybe I needed a break. Seriously, I’m dead tired. I need more than some of that fresh air.

It’s impossible to file leave for days. It’s non-sense, I’m a probee/contractor, so no work equates to no pay, and who am I to suddenly leave? I ain’t regular. Besides, I am only paid minimum for now.

So I have to spend the weekend really good. Weekend to me is now like gold. And I’m glad that last 24-26th of July was my busiest yet my goldest weekend ever.

I spent the Friday night with some awesome collegemates, from J.Co to King Sisig and Padi’s Point in Araneta. Had a chat with them after months of not seeing each other + drawing plans. Another unexpected night that I came home past 2 A.M. At least I found the beer of my taste.

25th. Amusement Parks catapult adults from adulthood back to childhood, but we never experienced that. It rained at Star City, so outdoor rides, including the Star Flyer, Surf Dance, Star Frisbee and the Ferris Wheel were never operated for safety reasons. So we never got the best out of our 280(450) ride-all-you-can tix, and two of my friends arrived an hour before closing. They came from a college friend’s wedding, exhausted and undeniably tired. But what made the night epic: friends, still.

Went crazy inside Star City by playing elementary school games, walking without bending knee joints, laughed at poorly-designed statement shirts like ‘Eh di Wow’, and lastly, walked from Star City all the way to Pedro Gil (Taft Ave. Cor. Malvar to be exact) in search of a nice place to eat.

The top of the sundae is trespassing a condominium penthouse just to have a nice night view of Manila. I even shared my part by telling a true to life unsolved crime involving a girl and a hotel’s water tank. And we all went down. Lol

Speaking of sundae, after we all parted ways, the four of us friends went to Family Mart to serve ourselves Twirl-all-you-can. Sadly, I failed to balance my sundae, so I immediately grabbed my fallen ice cream then put it back to the cone which gave them bursts of laughter. Fuck you bestfriends. 4 am, I and my highschool best spent the sunrise at McDo with pancakes and hash browns, because both of our homes are always locked until 6 am.

26th. It’s the National Science and Technology Week. Must go to Mall of Asia SMX to support my friend who’s working for DOST. I came really late but atleast we have pictures together. Ate JCo Donuts again, then spent the night with 3 of my college bests with milk tea and dinner.

In the end, what’s rest and sleep if I’m dead lonely. I prefer being tired yet happy, with these people who are all friends for keeps.

Around me, Rants

#GoBashRegina, I refused

And I never really wanted to press the link and read anything about it because I have a slow phone that gets slower with the opening of the mobile browsers.

But I saw the link’s featured photo. It says #GoFundRegina. I became instantly curious of what it actually means. Does this Regina have cancer or some serious-illness to heal, or is she a convicted innocent finding a way to bail herself out of jail and defend herself? Nope. I never found a hint for these reasons.

This Regina de Vera just wanted to fund her future schooling, and she’s doing it through crowdsourcing. For others who are not yet familiar with the process, crowdsourcing is a new popular way of funding someone or something through social media. Yes we just gave ‘donation’ a new term that’s fit for the present age, only with new media.

I found out that she’s a stage actress and performs in different theaters globally. This Atenean girl is being pushed by her passion for theatre arts and she’s currently a resident actress from CCP. According to her, she spent her childhood savings so she can go to New York and audition for The Juilliard School, a performing arts school. She eventually passed the auditions, and she even received an amount of stipend, but unfortunately the stipend won’t cover all of her expenses for her first year master’s. So she’s knocking all digitally-present people for donations and support.

“Any amount that you contribute will matter. If you could also help by sharing my story, I would greatly appreciate it,” she said.

I also have a lot of expenses, and I haven’t touched a dollar yet, but I just wished her good luck, and then I closed the browser.

Media companies later picked the story up. Newspapers featured her, while broadcast giants shared the news through their online outlets. Then Filipino netizens took again their own chance to earn likes by commenting. This time, the story irked me – towards those who just live by to say something.

For example, a woman said that there are millions of Filipino children who need more than this Regina-girl. A man said that there are more deserving things to be funded for. This sad list goes on.

It’s saddening, at the same time it’s infuriating. What the hell. These kind of people, I think their asses are jealous of all the shit that’s coming out from their mouths. Sorry, I had a massive loss of words, but nonetheless, I think this exactly reflects my present thoughts about them.

Why do we have the need to just say something? Why do some people find comfort in starting shitty conversations? How comforting it would be if we publish something rude with matching insensitive feelings?

Well, they actually have a point, but an article about this crowdsourcing girl should never be the right place to post these sentiments. After all, this woman needs help. She never needed negative comments, it won’t take her to Juilliard. And by the true meaning of help – a chance of giving hand to others without expecting something to be returned – she will never ever be deserving to be mocked by the people who didn’t even donated, never helped AND EVEN those who donated and helped her in any way.

She just wanted help. Voluntary. She’s not forcing anyone to donate. And these netizens had the guts to comment.

I suddenly remembered a mind-opening cartoon. Today, when someone’s drowning, instead of helping, they make a coverage out of it just to talk about it with someone, or anyone.

Just wow. Modern Filipino mentality indeed. Hinihila ang kapwa pababa.

The right thing to do? If you can’t donate, wish her good luck. End of the shitty show. If you can donate, good for her she got a generous stranger.

And if we can’t say something nice, shush. Never #GoBashRegina.


Good luck and best wishes to Regina, again. *grins*

#GoFundRegina. Know Regina’s story. CLICK HERE.


The lost recipient of the last rose

“So to whom shall I give this wild rose?”, the puzzled boy asked. But no one answered, because he’s only talking to himself anyway.

This boy, approaching his early 20’s, stood still right on the sidewalk; opposite of him are restaurants which he can’t afford on a daily basis.

At that moment, he was thinking about the rose he has in his hands. Earlier, there were kids who were selling roses to everyone. Later, the boy left his office when a little lady suddenly appeared beside him.

The little lady won’t go as if buying roses is as important as graduating, or perhaps finding a job; but the boy felt an urge to buy the last one for no reason.

And the little lady vanished in seconds. As usual, people – they come and go. The boy was left alone in a lonely, well-lit spot along a famous avenue which used to be an airport runway in the 1940s.

He left his office hurriedly so he can go home earlier, but he slowed down, thinking what on Earth will he do with the sole rose. Things were too fast, and he’s still drowning in deep awe. This boy doesn’t believe in signs, but that time, he suddenly thought otherwise. “A sign for what?” He finally realized that he’s already wasting his time and instead of blankly staring down the pavements, why not start walking so he may put some value in his own time.

He walked beside the restaurants, and he didn’t expect that many people will look at him. Just imagine some people eating their meal and they suddenly stopped munching as they saw the rose in his hands, staring slowly up to his blushed face.

He had to endure it for another 20 minutes of walking.

He had no choice.

He had no choice but to be judged. It’s either this boy’s giving someone a rose, or someone gave him the rose. It’s either this boy had a late valentine or this boy’s a gay one. No boy must receive flowers according to the stupidly perfect society even though flowers are not just for women. Good thing this boy doesn’t eat judgments for snack.

And he even had to endure it for the next hour and a half.

And for another 10 minutes.

He’s home, and no one’s around. The last destination of his tired being is the wooden couch, while the rose rested itself inside a cold water-laden vase. Its petals should still be intact ’till the other day and another. He had to end the night in minutes, or he will go home late the next evening again.

He still had no idea about what he did earlier. He cannot even give himself a closure of what happened.

So the night ended with an “I love myself,”

and he gave the rose to himself. And that was his most memorable Valentine’s Day yet.


No title because it’s cold

I must admit that I became really envious when some of my classmates experienced snow first hand in Japan. Well, if there is snow, then it must be cold.

I wonder how cold it was. Like, what’s the temperature? Because right now I’m experiencing a low 19°C – and it’s not fun.

Since we have a visitor, I was told to sleep in the living room. I used to snooze in the long narra set during my sleepless nights for a requirement. Yes, a long narra set. It’s not a couch nor a sofa. It’s not a bloody couch nor a sofa!

Anyway, I also have a bunch of throw pillows and a blanket that’s not warming. We all love cotton blankets but unfortunately, I won’t use a cotton one this time. About the name of the type of fabric? It’s scientific like polyblah-nyloblah-blah so don’t ask.

Sleep time.

6:19 A.M.

I woke up wearing only the basics: sando and shorts; and I’m already freezing. In an instant, I wore the gloves I bought in Tokyo, the socks I bought from Hokkaido, my only corduroy pants, and that oversized Guess jacket I’ve never ever wore before!

(and not to mention, quickly writing this blog post since I can’t post a status as long as this on Facebook)

While the snow melts in the upper half of the Earth, it instantly reminds me of your feelings for me.

No. Shhh. Nevermind. Tuck in!

Around me, Status

Change and chances

I blame the Internet for making my New Year’s Eve more solemn inside my bedroom. There, I can download movies and stream music rather than hear lots of firecrackers pop from miles to meters.

I absolutely hate firecrackers that I wish them users to have a nice, fresh, open wound inside ERs. Okay, okay, I’m kidding! I simply hate firecrackers, that’s all.

You might think that I’m having these negative vibes on the very first day of the year, but no. It’s just the magic has been gone. For years, I’ve been longing for that seasonal hype: the cold breeze, the smell of the nearby bamboo forest, the gifts, lights, the food, and it continues. You all know that.

And when I try to observe all the things around me, I just give a deep sigh. “Ito na ba ‘yon?”

This boy later on realized that maybe it’s because of thinking too much on what the future beholds. Or I just want to be alone here instead of washing countless plates downstairs.

I already have too much in my mind. I have work, too much pending graphics, plans, layout, unexpected commitments, thesis to finish, on-the-job training for this semester, travel, meetups, and my own financial obligation. Just imagine that I opened a huge vintage wardrobe, and all of its contents instantly drowned me – in slow motion.

What I have here right now is positivity and 500 Pesos (I want to thank all my godchildren for making this possible).

According to a close friend of mine, this is a year for big changes. Of course, it’s this season when we always say that our friends might expect something new about us this year (what we’ll try to do or what we will be). New Year’s Resolution – a more familiar term.

But how can I survive the next year? I hope wearing a green shirt and an olive green hoodie in New Year’s Eve can bring out the best of the best luck I want to have.

Back to the reasons of the slightly gloomy eve, maybe I’m too afraid to let go of 2014 because it was the best year I had so far! And I want to thank all of my friends (bestfriends, friends, mates, good acquaintances, workmates, newfound friends and so on) for giving me an awesome (prepare for the mainstream phrase this season) roller coaster ride.

Care for another awesome ride? We all got 365 tickets anyway.


Filipino (Tagalog), Pa-deep

Dahil nakakapagod din maging Gentleman

Kumusta ka? Ako, heto. Matagal namang hindi nakapag-post sa blog ko.

Oo nga pala, gagamit muna ako sa post kong ito ng wikang Filipino sa diyalektong Tagalog. Hindi dahil sa Buwan ng Wika (Setyembre na mga kakosa. Buwan na ‘to ni Mama Mary), kung hindi dahil may natural na angas din ang wikang ito. Ito ang wika kong kinasanayan. Kahit man lang minsan ay magamit ko ito sa mga written kong gawa. Pero oo, sige, para matuwa yung iba, nag-Tagalog na din ako para hindi magkaroon ng libangan yung mga kumukutya sa patapon ‘kong Ingles. Hi sa inyo.

Nagpaliwanag lang ako. Wala lang.

Pagod na kasi ako magpakagentleman. Eh ano ngayon? Mas gusto kong mabasa ‘to ng mas marami. Iyong iba kasi pagod magbasa ng Ingles. Isang pangungusap pa lang, daig na babae kung duguin; masakit at kailangan ng alaga.

Gentleman. Aminin man o hindi, nagiging sukatan namin ito ng pagkalalaki.

May ilan lamang dahilan kung bakit kami hindi pwede magpaka-gentleman: kung may rayuma na kami, kung kami ay may kapansanan din, kung kami ay may mabigat na dala, o kung sadyang gusto lang naming makaranas man lang ng ginhawa sa simpleng pagiging makasarili.

Pwede rin namang minsan, sa kaso.ng mga binabae, ay bakit magpapaka-gentleman kung babae din naman siya, nahihirapan din naman, o kung mas maganda naman siya sa bibigyan niya ng upuan? Minsan lang ha, at hindi lahat ha? Yung iba kasi, OA. Mag-iisip ng dahilan para manalo sa argumento kahit masama pa ang Universe sa usapan.

Bakit daw minsan kailangan magpaka-gentleman? Matik na iyan kung may matanda at buntis na  nahihirapan at hindi sumakay sa courtesy area, kung may nakita kang may kapansanan pero hindi rin sumakay sa courtesy area, at siyempre, pag may chicks. Yes naman, instant pogi points kahit pangit. Joke. Apir nga dyan!

Sa sobrang pagaalala na baka masabihan kaming insensitibo, antipatiko, o biglang bumaba ang estado ng aming pagkalalaki, ginagawa na namin yon hangga’t maaari. Parang naging obligasyon na tuloy namin ang magbigay ng upuan sa mga kababaihan na hindi naman gaanong nahihirapan, hindi naman nag-iisa sa ‘hirap’ ng pagtayo sa mass transit o bus, maarte, o simpleng gusto lang umupo.

Kung minsan pa nga, may clue silang ibibigay. Ang dami ng ‘tsk’. Ang dami ng ‘hay’. Ang dami ng ‘ugh’. Pag pinaupo mo yung iba: ‘hay salamat’ o masahol pa ‘nakaramdam din’. Pasalamat nalang kami minsan kung may makapagsabi pa ng ‘Thank you’ o ‘Salamat’.

Natanong ko lang, bakit gentlemen lang ang kadalasang mayroon? May mga ‘gentlewomen’ naman, alam ko yun, pero bakit kaunti lang sila?

Dahil nga may mga gentleman naman kasi noon pa. Naging bahagi na siya ng kulturang minana natin sa mga Kastila at Amerikano bilang simbolo ng pagiging ‘Cariñoso’ sa mga babae.

*buntong-hininga pero fresh breath*

Pagod na pagod na ako sa layo ng nilakad ko. Galing ako sa Recto at ang baba ko naman ay Santolan. Nag-next train ako at nasa unahang gitna ako ng platform marker. Mabilis akong pumasok sa tren at nakaupo namang agad.

Ang dami kong naisip habang nagtutulug-tulugan. May babae sa gilid ko. Nakatayo siya at nakaupo ako at ang tanging ‘space between us’ ay dahil lamang sa matibay na fiberglass.

Ang nasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko. “Uupo ako mula Recto hanggang Santolan. Dahil pagod na pagod na ako…

…at dahil nakakapagod din maging Gentleman.”

Around me

An hour of blindness

Reading this right now? You’re still lucky.

There are now millions of people around the world who are visually-impaired: those who cannot even see a color but only pitch black. According to the latest statistics, over 7 million people go blind every year due to different circumstances, and we all know that these people struggle every day, no matter how equipped they are (companion dogs, canes etc.).

Is there a way for us to relate with them? Well, yes, there is. Actually, we don’t need to lose our eyesight just to experience life from a blind person’s perspective even just for a short period of time. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Dialogue in the Dark has already arrived here in the Philippines.

So I am still working on the remaining 100 or more hours in my internship company, and I still got loads of time to experience different firsts. Casinos, star-studded shows, big-time press conferences, photoshoots – I was assigned in almost every possible event and I’m seriously sick of it (Except for the freebies. Freebies are great).

Last Thursday of July, I was assigned to go to a press conference in Makati. At first I was very hesistant since I told them that I won’t be available on Mondays and Thursdays. But then, our EIC gave me a Thursday presscon. Luckily, it’s our college week, so we don’t have any classes.

When I found out that I will be attending a presscon for Dialogue in the Dark, I was surprised. After a year of knowing this 25-year old workshop, I always thought that I have to go to Singapore or Hong Kong just to experience it, but little did I know that I will eventually have an hour’s sample of it.

So, with the partnership of the parent group of the Dialogue in the Dark series, the Asian Institute of Management has managed to bring the workshop in Manila. After a 30-minute presscon, the organizers invited us for a lunch. They called it “Lunch in the Dark”. And you may take that idea literally. We really had lunch in the dark!

Phones, illuminating items like watches and others were not allowed and were left in a safe counter. By groups, we entered the dining area with canes in exchange of our eyesight. We were guided by a blind person and after a 2-minute walk, I secured myself a seat.

We were told to introduce ourselves: our name and what we feel or think about darkness. “Hi. I’m Lloyd, and I feel very immobile”, I said.

Then, another guide requested two persons from our table to transfer to another since there were only three in the smaller table. I was transferred together with a writer and we occupied the last two chairs.

We were given a three-course meal by Morgana, a blind 28-year old lady from Malaysia. The table is set as usual, but we have to find out where the goblet and utensils are placed.

Vegetable Soup, Cordon Bleu, and Mango Pudding were served. Guessed the dishes based from my taste. It was a delicious lunch, but we have to use our fingers to know if we have already finished a serving. I always eat clean, so I almost had a hard time eating, hoping that I won’t spill anything in my pants (and waste food, too). Good thing we have table napkins but still.

And for the extra challenge, coffee! We were given the opportunity to explore where Morgana left the cups, saucers, and the stirrers in the table. The cups were empty, which means we have to pour the coffee ourselves!

We had a chat in the table to overcome anything that we feel. We shared different views and what we’re currently into. And at last, we were taken outside. The dark took our eyesight temporarily, and now the sudden light wanted it, too. We laughingly requested if we can return inside. Haha!

So that’s what blind persons actually “see”?

I felt helpless for an hour. What more to these true blind persons? But hey, they may be blind, but they shouldn’t feel very disabled. Morgana actually served us quickly with no delays and mistakes! She didn’t use anything to navigate. Sure, these people will soon be able to the serve the people through different services based on their growing skills and abilities.

It’s a continuing battle for the blind persons, and together with the willing people, we can help them by opening new doors and making them feel that they are helpful, industrious and able people, too!

Well, I’m not sure if they will come back to the Philippines. If you want a great blind experience, and at the same time help these blind people in need, why not visit their Dialogue in the Dark museums at Singapore and Hong Kong.